The Model of Conflict (Thomas-Kilmann Model)

Introduction

Conflict occurs when people have different opinions, needs, or goals. The Thomas-Kilmann conflict management model outlines five ways to handle conflict based on two factors: assertiveness (focusing on your own needs) and cooperativeness (focusing on the needs of others).

These five approaches are competing, collaborating, avoiding, accommodating, and compromising. Knowing how to use these approaches helps resolve conflicts effectively.

Assertiveness

Assertiveness is the ability or effort to prioritize and satisfy your own needs, desires, or goals during a conflict or decision-making process. It shows how much importance you give on achieving your objectives and standing up for yourself.

Example: If you insist on choosing your favorite restaurant when making a decision with friends, you are being assertive because you are focusing on your own priorities.

Cooperativeness

Cooperativeness is the effort to prioritize and address the needs, goals, or concerns of others in a conflict or decision. It shows how much importance you give on helping others achieve what they want.

Example: If you let your friend decide where to eat because you want to see him happy, you are being cooperative because you are focusing on their priorities.

5 Conflict Models

The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Resolution Model, a framework used to manage and resolve conflicts. It categorizes conflict management styles into five approaches based on the dimensions of assertiveness and cooperativeness:

• Competing: Focus on your own needs and ignore others.
• Collaborating: Work together to meet everyone’s needs.
• Avoiding: Ignore conflict or delay resolving it.
• Accommodating: Let others get what they want, even if you have to do something for it.
• Compromising: Find a middle ground where both parties give up something.

1. Competing (Top-Left: High Assertiveness, Low Cooperativeness)

High assertiveness (standing up for their own interests), Low cooperativeness (don’t prioritize the other person’s concerns). Competing is assertive and uncooperative.

Competing in conflict management means when a person focuses only on their own needs, goals, or desires while giving little or no importance to the needs of others. It’s a “win-lose” approach, where the goal is to achieve personal success. “Standing up for their rights”, defending a side they believe is right or simply trying to win.

Conclusion: “I win, you lose.”

Example:

Suppose you are working on a team project at work. Where you think your idea is the best to complete the task. Instead of listening to your co-workers’ ideas, you argue vigorously and push your idea forward ignoring their suggestions. Whereas this may frustrate your co-workers, but you focus only on making your idea successful because you think it is the right choice.

Characteristics:

• Self-interest focus.
• Limited or no concern for the feelings of others.
• Suited to quick, decisive action in emergencies or in enforcing rules.
• Goal-Oriented Approach.
• Neglecting others.
•  Authoritative and dominating behavior.
• Risk of escalation of conflict.

2. Collaborating (Top-Right: High Assertiveness, High Cooperativeness)

High assertiveness (standing up for their own interests) High cooperativeness (considering the other person’s needs). Collaborating is both assertive and cooperative.

Collaborating in conflict management means when two or more people work together to find a solution that meets everyone’s needs. It involves working with others to find a solution that fully satisfies their concerns.

Collaborating between two individuals means exploring disagreements to learn from each other’s insights or trying to find a creative solution to an interpersonal problem. It focuses on open communication, mutual respect, and creativity to resolve conflicts in a way where both parties feel like they “won.”

Conclusion: “I win, you win.”

Example:

Suppose, you and your colleague have different project ideas. You both choose to discuss your ideas openly, rather than let one party argue that their idea is better (the competition) or settle for a mediocre solution. Together, they incorporate aspects of both concepts to create a new, better strategy that benefits both of them.

Characteristics:

• Open communication
• Focus on mutual benefit.
• Requires time, effort, and open communication.
• Best for complex conflicts where relationships matter.
• Creativity and problem-solving
• Requires trust and respect
• Takes more time

3. Avoiding (Bottom-Left: Low Assertiveness, Low Cooperativeness)

Low assertiveness (they neither stand up for their own concerns) Low cooperativeness (nor try to meet the other person’s needs). Avoiding is unassertive and uncooperative the complete opposite of Collaborating.

Avoiding in conflict management means when a person chooses to ignore the conflict rather than addressing it. The person pursues neither his own concerns nor the concerns of the other person. Avoiding can take the form of diplomatically avoiding an issue, putting off an issue until a better time, or simply withdrawing from a dangerous situation.

It is essentially a way of ignoring or putting off the issue, often hoping it will resolve itself or fade away over time. This is often a “lose-lose” situation because the conflict remains unresolved, and neither party gets what they want.

Conclusion: “I lose, you lose.”

Example:

Suppose, two coworkers have a disagreement about who should handle a particular task. Instead of helping to resolve the problem, they choose to remain silent or walk away, thinking the problem will resolve itself.

Characteristics:

• The conflict remains unresolved.
• It is suitable for minor conflicts or when more information is needed.
• If overused, it can lead to long-term problems.
• Neutrality
• Conflict is ignored
• Harmony is maintained (temporarily)
• Used in trivial situations
• Emotional detachment

4. Accommodating (Bottom-Right: Low Assertiveness, High Cooperativeness)

Low assertiveness (they prioritize the other person’s needs, desires, or goals) High cooperativeness (going out of their own way to satisfy other person). Accommodating is unassertive and cooperative. The complete opposite of Competing

Accommodating in conflict management means selfless generosity or charity, following another person’s orders when they don’t want to, or yielding to another’s point of view. Person prioritizes the other party’s needs or desires over their own, they are willing to sacrifice their own priorities or goals to satisfy the other person.

They focus on maintaining relationships and maintaining harmony, even at personal cost. They help the other person get what they want, but they are not concern about their own needs, focuses on maintaining relationships and avoiding conflict by giving in to the other person.

Conclusion: ” I lose, you win.”

Example:

Suppose you and your friend are deciding where to eat. You like burgers, but your friend wants to eat pizza. To keep your friend happy and avoid conflict, you choose to eat pizza, even though it’s not your favorite.

Characteristics:

• High concern for maintaining relationships.
• Effective when the issue is more important to the other party.
• Excessive use may lead to resentment or imbalance.
• Sacrifices personal needs
• Minimizes conflict
• Demonstrates generosity
• Builds goodwill
• Short-term relief

5. Compromising (Center: Moderate Assertiveness, Moderate Cooperativeness)

Moderate Assertiveness (standing up for their needs) Moderate Cooperativeness (considering the other person’s needs). Compromising is balance in both assertiveness and cooperativeness.

Compromising is about finding a middle ground solution where both parties sacrifice something to resolve the conflict. It aims to find some expedient, mutually acceptable solution that partially satisfies both parties. It is not about one person “winning”, but about both parties reaching a compromise that is acceptable, even if it is not ideal.

It falls in an intermediate position between competition and accommodation, which means they are willing to give up some of what they want, but not completely. Compared to competing, where they focus only on winning and accomplishing their goals, compromising means they are more flexible and willing to sacrifice a little to find a reasonable solution. However, it is not as one-sided as accommodating, where they completely priorities the other person’s needs and sacrifice their own.

Compared to avoiding, compromising addresses the conflict directly rather than ignoring it, which helps to find a solution quickly. On the other hand, it is not as deep as collaborating, where both parties work together in detail to create a solution that completely satisfies everyone. Compromising focuses on finding a quick and workable solution by meeting both parties halfway, even if it is not right for either party.

Conclusion: “I win some, You win some.”

Example:

If you and your friend can’t agree on where to eat and you both want different things, you can compromise by choosing a middle ground, such as a restaurant that serves both burgers and pizza or you both agree to go to a place that serves sandwiches that are acceptable by both of you.

Here you both sacrifice a little (by not getting your first choice), but you come up with a solution that works for both.

Characteristics:

• Balances assertiveness and cooperativeness.
• Suitable for resolving issues quickly.
• May not fully address underlying problems.
• Shared sacrifice.
• Focus on balance.
• Win some, lose some Results.
• Maintain relationships.
• Practicality.
• Willingness to negotiate.

FAQs: Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Management Model

Conclusion

Conflict can’t always be avoided, but understanding how to handle it can make a big difference. The Thomas-Kilmann model shows that each style has its own purpose. By choosing the right approach, you can solve problems, maintain good relationships, and make better decisions in everyday life.